mud pump blows all 3 swabs factory

Positive displacements pumps are generally used on drilling rigs to pump high pressure and high volume of drilling fluids throughout a drilling system. There are several reasons why the positive displacement mud pumps are used on the rigs.

The duplex pumps (Figure 1) have two cylinders with double acting. It means that pistons move back and take in drilling mud through open intake valve and other sides of the same pistons, the pistons push mud out through the discharge valves.

When the piston rod is moved forward, one of intake valves is lift to allow fluid to come in and one of the discharge valve is pushed up therefore the drilling mud is pumped out of the pump (Figure 2).

On the other hand, when the piston rod is moved backward drilling fluid is still pumped. The other intake and discharge valve will be opened (Figure 3).

The triplex pumps have three cylinders with single acting. The pistons are moved back and pull in drilling mud through open intake valves. When the pistons are moved forward and the drilling fluid is pushed out through open discharge valves.

When the piston rods are moved forward, the intake valves are in close position and the discharge valves are in open position allowing fluid to discharge (Figure 5).

On the contrary when the piston rods are moved backward, the intake valve are opened allowing drilling fluid coming into the pump (Figure 6). This video below shows how a triplex mud pump works.

Because each pump has power rating limit as 1600 hp, this will limit capability of pump. It means that you cannot pump at high rate and high pressure over what the pump can do. Use of a small liner will increase discharge pressure however the flow rate is reduces. Conversely, if a bigger liner is used to deliver more flow rate, maximum pump pressure will decrease.

As you can see, you can have 7500 psi with 4.5” liner but the maximum flow rate is only 297 GPM. If the biggest size of liner (7.25”) is used, the pump pressure is only 3200 psi.

Finally, we hope that this article would give you more understanding about the general idea of drilling mud pumps. Please feel free to add more comments.

Mud pump is one of the most critical equipment on the rig; therefore personnel on the rig must have good understanding about it. We’ve tried to find the good training about it but it is very difficult to find until we’ve seen this VDO training and it is a fantastic VDO training about the basic of mud pumps used in the oilfield. Total length of this VDO is about thirteen minutes and it is worth to watch it. You will learn about it so quickly. Additionally, we also add the full detailed transcripts which will acceleate the learning curve of learners.

Powerful mud pumps pick up mud from the suction tank and circulate the mud down hole, out the bit and back to the surface. Although rigs usually have two mud pumps and sometimes three or four, normally they use only one at a time. The others are mainly used as backup just in case one fails. Sometimes however the rig crew may compound the pumps, that is, they may use three or four pumps at the same time to move large volumes of mud when required.

Rigs use one of two types of mud pumps, Triplex pumps or Duplex pumps. Triplex pumps have three pistons that move back-and-forth in liners. Duplex pumps have two pistons move back and forth in liners.

Triplex pumps have many advantages they weight 30% less than a duplex of equal horsepower or kilowatts. The lighter weight parts are easier to handle and therefore easier to maintain. The other advantages include;

• One of the more important advantages of triplex over duplex pumps, is that they can move large volumes of mud at the higher pressure is required for modern deep hole drilling.

Triplex pumps are gradually phasing out duplex units. In a triplex pump, the pistons discharge mud only when they move forward in the liner. Then, when they moved back they draw in mud on the same side of the piston. Because of this, they are also called “single acting.” Single acting triplex pumps, pump mud at a relatively high speeds. Input horsepower ranges from 220 to 2200 or 164 to 1641 kW. Large pumps can pump over 1100 gallons per minute, over 4000 L per minute. Some big pumps have a maximum rated pressure of over 7000 psi over 50,000 kPa with 5 inch/127 mm liners.

Here is a schematic of a triplex pump. It has three pistons each moving in its own liner. It also has three intake valves and three discharge valves. It also has a pulsation dampener in the discharge line.

Look at the piston at left, it has just completed pushing mud out of the liner through the open discharge valve. The piston is at its maximum point of forward travel. The other two pistons are at other positions in their travel and are also pumping mud. But for now, concentrate on the left one to understand how the pump works. The left piston has completed its backstroke drawing in mud through the open intake valve. As the piston moved back it instead of the intake valve off its seat and drew mud in. A strong spring holds the discharge above closed. The left piston has moved forward pushing mud through the now open discharge valve. A strong spring holds the intake valve closed. They left piston has completed its forward stroke they form the length of the liner completely discharging the mud from it. All three pistons work together to keep a continuous flow of mud coming into and out of the pump.

Crewmembers can change the liners and pistons. Not only can they replace worn out ones, they can also install different sizes. Generally they use large liners and pistons when the pump needs to move large volumes of mud at relatively low pressure. They use a small liners and pistons when the pump needs to move smaller volumes of mud at a relatively high pressure.

In a duplex pump, pistons discharge mud on one side of the piston and at the same time, take in mud on the other side. Notice the top piston and the liner. As the piston moves forward, it discharges mud on one side as it draws in mud on the other then as it moves back, it discharges mud on the other side and draws in mud on the side it at had earlier discharge it. Duplex pumps are therefore double acting.

Double acting pumps move more mud on a single stroke than a triplex. However, because of they are double acting they have a seal around the piston rod. This seal keeps them from moving as fast as a triplex. Input horsepower ranges from 190 to 1790 hp or from 142 to 1335 kW. The largest pumps maximum rated working pressure is about 5000 psi, almost 35,000 kPa with 6 inch/152 mm linings.

A mud pump has a fluid end, our end and intake and the discharge valves. The fluid end of the pump contains the pistons with liners which take in or discharge the fluid or mud. The pump pistons draw in mud through the intake valves and push mud out through the discharge valves.

The power end houses the large crankshaft and gear assembly that moves the piston assemblies on the fluid end. Pumps are powered by a pump motor. Large modern diesel/electric rigs use powerful electric motors to drive the pump. Mechanical rigs use chain drives or power bands (belts) from the rig’s engines and compounds to drive the pump.

A pulsation dampener connected to the pump’s discharge line smooths out surges created by the pistons as they discharge mud. This is a standard bladder type dampener. The bladder and the dampener body, separates pressurized nitrogen gas above from mud below. The bladder is made from synthetic rubber and is flexible. When mud discharge pressure presses against the bottom of the bladder, nitrogen pressure above the bladder resists it. This resistance smoothes out the surges of mud leaving the pump.

Here is the latest type of pulsation dampener, it does not have a bladder. It is a sphere about 4 feet or 1.2 m in diameter. It is built into the mud pump’s discharge line. The large chamber is form of mud. It has no moving parts so it does not need maintenance. The mud in the large volume sphere, absorbs this surges of mud leaving the pump.

A suction dampener smooths out the flow of mud entering into the pump. Crewmembers mount it on the triplex mud pump’s suction line. Inside the steel chamber is a air charged rubber bladder or diaphragm. The crew charges of the bladder about 10 to 15 psi/50 to 100 kPa. The suction dampener absorbs surges in the mud pump’s suction line caused by the fast-moving pump pistons. The pistons, constantly starts and stops the mud’s flow through the pump. At the other end of the charging line a suction pumps sends a smooth flow of mud to the pump’s intake. When the smooth flow meets the surging flow, the impact is absorbed by the dampener.

Workers always install a discharge pressure relief valve. They install it on the pump’s discharge side in or near the discharge line. If for some reason too much pressure builds up in the discharge line, perhaps the drill bit or annulus gets plugged, the relief valve opens. That opened above protects the mud pump and system damage from over pressure.

Some rig owners install a suction line relief valve. They install it on top of the suction line near the suction dampener. They mount it on top so that it won’t clog up with mud when the system is shut down. A suction relief valve protects the charging pump and the suction line dampener. A suction relief valve usually has a 2 inch or 50 mm seat opening. The installer normally adjusts it to 70 psi or 500 kPa relieving pressure. If both the suction and the discharged valves failed on the same side of the pump, high back flow or a pressure surge would occur. The high backflow could damage the charging pump or the suction line dampener. The discharge line is a high-pressure line through which the pump moves mud. From the discharge line, the mud goes through the stand pipe and rotary hose to the drill string equipment.

Hole cleaning in ERD well could be represented as a hole cleaning machine with lots of variables acting like gears or cogs - they all link or mesh together to make the machine run efficiently.

Annular area drives the speed at which the fluid and suspended drilled material will travel up the hole at given flow rate. Smaller the clearance between drill string components and borehole – faster the fluid will flow across this particular interval. Generally, it is recommended to keep the annular fluid velocity (AV) above 150 ft / min (46 m / min). Desired AVs could be controlled by changes of mud circulation rate, drill string component sizes and wellbore internal diameter. This is why underreaming is one of the last resorts in ERD – elevated flow rates are required to drill larger open hole. This could be a problem if the rig has low-rated high pressure system.

In most cases, AVs across BHA components are quite high and cuttings are “flushed away” in seconds. Drill pipe normally has smaller OD than BHA components or it is situated across large ID casing / liner string. If annular velocity is insufficient, cuttings accumulation is likely to form in high angle sections and at geometry changes such as formation washouts and immediately above liner tops. In addition, accelerated barite sagging is expected in areas of low annular velocity.

Here is the real-life example: one of our clients wanted to drill 6-⅛” hole section in a well with 3 liners in place: 11-¼”, 9-⅝” and 7-⅝” (not tied-back due to ECD constraints). Annular velocity inside 11-¾” liner and above was found to be insufficient to deliver adequate hole cleaning for given flow rates, dropping to as low as 15 m/min across 13-⅜” casing interval. Drill string and mud rheology optimization allowed us to install 9-⅝” tie-back and keep actual ECD below perceived fracture gradient.

0-dark-hundred, 0"dark-hundred (pronounced "oh dark hundred", because the "zero" in time expressions was verbally pronounced "oh" in the US Navy and US Army as late as the 1980s: A slang term for any time between midnight and daylight. Used to convey that the time is when people are usually asleep. e.g. "We have to get up at 0-dark-hundred." It is not a reference to any particular time.

0-dark-thirty, 0"dark-thirty: A slang term that is used to describe that the commencement time of an operation or exercise is after midnight and before daylight; most typically when people would be deep asleep. It is not a reference to any particular time.

13 button salute: When a sailor in dress pants pulls down on the top two corners and all 13 buttons come unbuttoned at once, usually done just before sex.

1st Division: The division, in most aviation and afloat commands, which is responsible for the material condition and cleanliness of the ship. On ships equipped with small boats, the First Lieutenant or "First" (First Division Officer or Deck Department Head) is in charge of these boats and the sailors who maintain and run them. On small boats, the "First" is in charge of boatswain mates and deck seaman. On larger ships, the "First" may be in charge of air crew. Work for 1st division varies among ships depending on size. Small ships only have one division, while larger ships like carriers or amphibs can have 5 or more. On Submarines the 1st Looey (1st Lt) is usually an non-qual Ensign and he runs "seaman gang" responsible for, among other responsibilities, all the gadgets necessary for handling and storing of mooring lines, materiel condition of Topside (chipping and painting), escape and rescue equipment like life vests and Steinke Hoods back when they were carried. Seaman gang, the 1st Lt"s folks, are often non-quals who are E-4 and below with a first class or senior second class petty officer as leading petty officer. When the wardroom is short on baby Ensigns and/or in shipyard overhaul periods the 1st Lt may be a Chief Petty Officer.

43P-1: Work center Maintenance manual; prior to OPNAV numbering the current guidance 4790/4(series) it was 43P. The series of books; 43P-1, 43P-2, 43P-3 & 43P-4 were separate books covering all aspects of maintenance. The 43P-2, 43P-3 & 43P-4 books were replaced in the mid 1980"s with one book. the new book was a three ring binder, blue in color and had "3-M" all across the front & side. The 43P-1 book containing MIPs stayed in the work center and was a deep red color with 43P-1 across the cover. Officially no longer named the 43P-1, the fleet continues to name and refer to their work center maintenance manual as the 43P-1.

4JG: Communications circuit used by V4 Fuels Division to coordinate flight deck fueling operations between the flight deck and below decks pump and filter rooms. Also used to pass information between a flight deck fuel station and flight deck control as to status of fueling operations for individual aircraft. Found on aircraft carriers and similar vessels.

Abu Dhabi (used attributively / as an adjective): Labeled in Arabic aboard a ship; used of any product, but especially soda cans. "We"ve been home from cruise for 8 months and we still have Abu Dhabi Cokes in the vending machines!" (More common synonym: Hadji.)

Acey-Deucey Club: A recreational facility that serves alcohol for first and second class petty officers, or any Enlisted Club that caters mostly to First and Second Class Petty Officers, but still allows all enlisted personnel. Also, a board and dice game akin to Backgammon. Except you start with all pieces off the board. Also a Variance on the rules.

Admin Warfare Specialist (humorous, sometimes derisive): A yeoman, personnelman or holder of another Navy administrative rating. Used especially of a sailor who does not have a warfare pin.

ADCAP Advanced Capability Torpedo that began life as the Mk 48 torpedo (21 inch diameter) launched primarily by submarine platforms. After the 3rd Mod, advances in computer technology and circuit miniaturization brought about the ADCAP which is a truly remarkable torpedo.

A-Farts: (AFRTS) Armed Forces Radio & Television Service. A-Farts is received via satellite all over the world and offers a variety of shows. Some of the most entertaining offerings are the propaganda commercials it frequently airs since regular advertising is not permitted.

AFTA: Advanced First Term Avionics: Part of the advanced electronics schooling package, reserved for AT"s AQ"s and AX"s for advanced training. Basically, they taught the PO2 exam for 6 months.

AIMD: Aircraft Intermediate Maintenance Department. A department on aircraft carriers and Naval Air Stations responsible for maintaining aircraft sub assemblies. On an aircraft carrier, this consists of 5 divisions: IM1 - AIMD Admin, IM2 - Airframes and Power Plants, IM3 - Avionics, IM4 - Ground Support Equipment (GSE) and Aviation Ordnance, IM5 - IMRL.

Air Department: Consists of 5 divisions, usually manned by Aviation Boatswains Mates. V0 Division: Admin offices. V1 Division: Aircraft Handlers on the flight deck. V2 Division: Maintenance of Catapults and Arresting Gear. V3 Division: Aircraft Handlers on the Hangar Deck. V4 Division: Aviation Fuels.

All Ahead Bendix: Attempt more than full speed ahead, e.g. by bypassing limiters or subjecting the engine motors to overvoltage, on the assumption that the risk of defeat outweighs the risk of engine damage.

Anchors and Spurs: The famous dance club at NAVSTA San Diego where many a lonely Navy wife has broken the seventh commandment. Many sailors find this amusing until it happens to them. Also called "Cankers and Sores."

"Another Fine Navy Day!": An expression said (in a very cheery manner) on occasions when, in fact, it is not a Fine Navy Day at all. Compare "Living the dream!" in the civilian world.

AO: Aviation Ordnanceman, personnel assigned to Aircraft Carriers, Helicopter Carriers and Aviation Squadrons that store, handle, assemble, transport and load all weapons and drop tanks along with electronic counter measure pods, dispensers and sono-bouys on Navy and Marine Corps aircraft. Other duties include storing and maintaining unit small arms as well as training and qualifying squadron member in their use and the use of deadly force. Aviation Ordnancemen are expected to have a broad knowledge base of the rate and and be able to perform any duties of the rate.

Back Alley: Card game of trump played by 2 to 4 players (mostly "snipes"). Players are first dealt 1 card each then 2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13, 13-12-11-10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1. Players bid on the number of tricks to be taken, trump is determined by draw. Score is kept by awarding 3 points for bids made and taken and 1 point for each additional trick. A player unable to make their bid goes set 3 X the bid. Game can be played by partners.

Bag of Dicks: An unwanted or extremely tedious task, e.g. one that is given one hour before shift change and will require at least 3 hours to complete. Someone who has been given a "Bag of Dicks" has been "bagged," which is quite similar to getting "sand bagged".

Bag Nasty: A pre-packaged bag lunch usually consisting of a cold cut sandwich, piece of fruit, and juice box or can of soda. Served at galleys in lieu of regular chow for sailors on the go.

Balls to Four: A four hour watch technically stood from 0000-0400, though in practice begining at 2345 and ending at 0345. Most commonly seen on a "Dogged Watch" schedule.

Bar fine: Fee paid to the manager ("mamasan") of a bar (generally adjacent to the former Naval Base Subic, former Naval Air Station Cubi Point, or former Clark Air Base in the Philippines) for letting a "hostess" take the night off. If a longer term "relationship" is desired by both parties, the "bar fine" can be paid in advance as "steady papers." Sex is universally expected, although technically not required. The hostess will expect some entertainment (dancing, dinner, etc.)

Barney Clark: A slider topped with a fried egg. Also called a "One-Eyed Jack." Named, due to its apparent high cholesterol content, for Mr. Barney Clark, who in 1982 received a "Jarvik" artificial heart.

Batphone: A dedicated outside telephone line (not for personal use) typically for shore power or security purposes. Sometimes used to connect CIC to Engineering.

Battle Group (BG): A group of warships and supply ships centered around a large deck aircraft carrier and that carrier"s airwing. Usually consists of one cruiser, one supply ship, and one or two destroyers, frigates, and submarines. More recently referred to as a Carrier Strike Group (CSG).

Battle Stations: A manning condition involving (usually) all hands. Assignments are planned out prior to setting the underway watch and posted in the Watch, Quarter, and Station Bill. Assigned personnel go to their assigned stations to do their assigned task in support of fighting the ship in a battle or when there is a credible threat of attack for which the ship must be prepared to fight against.

Beer Day: On many navy ships, even in the present day, all hands are given 2 beers if they are underway without a port call for a given period of time — generally 45 days. Both beers are opened when they are given to the crewmember to prevent them from being hoarded.

Naval method of indicating the time of day aboard ship, usually over the 1MC. One bell corresponds to 30 minutes past the hour. Bells will only be rung as a single strike, or a closely spaced double strike, with a maximum of eight bells (4 sets of 2). Bells repeat themselves every 4 hours. For example 2 sets of 2 bells, followed by a single bell (5 total) could be 0230, 0630, 1030, 1430, 1830, or 2230.

Method of requesting speed changes from the Engine Room using the Engine Order Telegraph (EOT), normally from the Bridge. (example: 1/3, 2/3, Full, Standard, Flank, B1/3, B2/3, BI, BEM)

Bilge Rat: Someone who works in the engineering spaces. On submarines the bilge rat is usually the smallest non-qual in the division, although bilges are great places for a field day assignment (good for napping) so a senior second class petty officer might call dibs on a bilge.

Bilge Turd: Derogatory term for "Boiler Technician", typically from jealous Machinist Mates who wish they could be as badass as the now extinct Boiler Technicians were.

Binnacle List: The daily list of ship"s crew who are sick in quarters (see below). So called because in the old days of sailing, this list was posted on the binnacle, the casing that housed the ship"s compass.

Bitching Betty: The recorded or computer generated female voice heard in an aviator"s headset when something is not as it should be. She is usually worried about unsafe flight conditions or an enemy threat (e.g. "Pull up!).

Black beret: Worn by Swift Boat and PBR Sailors, originally in Vietnam. The tradition has sporadically been followed by modern small boat sailors. (See "Brown Water Navy.")

Blanket Party: A beating administered to someone whose head has been covered with a blanket (to prevent that person from identifying the attackers), in boot camp (and usually at night), because the individual is perceived to have harmed the group by not being squared away.

Blowing Shitters: An act by which an HT uses straight firemain pressure on a clog in the sewage line (CHT/VCHT) that cannot be removed by ordinary means. Normally a last resort, yet used more often than not, that when not done properly causes one hell-of-a mess… especially on CHT lines when some unfortunate soul is on the crapper when the full force of the firemain comes through.

Blowing a Shitter (Submarine Service): Inadvertently "flushing" a toilet (see "Shitter," below) while San Tanks are being blown overboard by charging the sanitary tank with enough air pressure to overcome sea pressure; this could be a considerable pressure if the boat is deep which is costly so it"s usually a housekeeping evolution at periscope depth.

Blue Roper (also: Blue Rope): A sailor that is in training to be a Recruit Division Commander, so called because of the blue rope they wear on the right sleeve.

Blue Shirt: Aviation Boatswain"s mate, usually seen chocking and chaining birds to the deck. Precursor to Yellow Shirt. Same as Bluejacket, referring to the blue utility shirt worn by those personnel.

Blue on Blue: (1) Fratricide, friendly fire, so called because blue is the color associated with friendly forces during "workups" and exercises, while the fictional enemy country is usually orange. (2) (in port) A girl-on-girl stripper scene, porn scene, etc.

Blue Tile: An area of the aircraft carrier on the starboard main passageway, O-3 level, where the Battle Group (now called Carrier Strike Group) admiral and his staff live and work. As the name implies, the deck is indeed blue tile there. Passing through, especially by junior enlisted sailors, is highly discouraged. During wartime, armed guards may be posted on both sides of the blue tile. Pictures of bare-assed drunken aviators standing on the blue tile during port calls are highly prized keepsakes.

A water craft small enough to be carried on a ship (ships themselves may only be called boats by members of the crew who have completed a deployment).

Boats: A sailor in the Boatswain"s Mate rating or the Aviation Boatswain"s Mate rating, or the ship"s Bosun or Air Bosun, the latter usually a CWO or LDO.

Bolter: Failed attempt at an arrested landing on a carrier by a fixed-wing aircraft. Usually caused by a poor approach or a hook bounce on the deck, this embarrassing event leads to a go-around and another attempt to "board."

Bosun"s Punch: New sailors on ship are sometimes assigned to find this mythical tool in the office of one of the ship"s Bosuns (Boatswain). The sailor is then typically punched very hard in the shoulder by the Bosun in question.

Bravo Bozo: Derisive term that is the opposite of Bravo Zulu. Given for something done poorly. Also used when a sailor gets a BZ from the command, shipmates will call it a Bravo Bozo award.

Breakaway Music: Music played over the 1MC after "breaking" away from an oiler following UNREP. Can be outdated classic rock that was never really popular in the first place, or cool music, depending on the ship"s commanding officer. It is played to "motivate" the crew after an UNREP, VERTREP, etc. Usually played at a level that would normally get you a ticket in town and is so distorted as to make it impossible to identify the song.

Brown Trout: Occurs when some Hull Tech blasts the sewer lines, causing raw sewage to be disbursed onto the decks of lower level berthing areas. Called that for the fact the turds could look like a rumpled brown fish.

Brown Water: Shallow water close to land; littoral water in which smaller ships can operate. Sometimes specifically: the portion of Vietnam where Navy patrol boats operated.

Bubba: Any shipyard worker. Usually speaks in unintelligible english with a heavy New England or southern accent. Tends to be obese with a strong body odor.

(Submarine Service) The indication of the ship"s angle fore and aft. The Diving Officer of the Watch (DOOW, pronounced "Dive") controls the angle on the ship by various means. The original ship"s angle gages were liquid filled glass tubes with an air bubble that indicated the trim angle. If the angle becomes too large, he will be ordered "mind your bubble." In rough weather near the surface, maintaining the angle on the ship can be very difficult. When the Dive can no longer control the angle on the ship by the means at his disposal, he is said to have "lost the bubble." (3) The area on an aircraft carrier where the Catapult Launch Officer sits. So called because it is raised only a few inches above the flight deck and has angled windows. (4) (in the expressions "have the bubble" and "lose the bubble") A grasp of the situation; understanding or control of what is going on.

The Kool-Aid-like beverage dispensed on the messdeck, in the CPO Mess, the Officer"s Wardroom or the Flag Mess. Typically Orange or Red. Before the turn of the century, bug juice was also used to clean decks when cleaning agents were not available. It is still used for removing corrosion from brass fittings. Allegedly also because the powder used to make the juice attracted bugs.

Building 1: USS Brooke (FFG-1), so called because she had so many problems with her P-fired boilers that she was regularly unable to get underway from her long-occupied berth at NAVSTA San Diego. When she did get underway she was typically towed back in, whereupon she was referred to as "USS Broke".

Building 36: The USS Bryce Canyon (AD-36). Home ported at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, she left port only on rare occasions (so her crew could collect sea pay); when she did, she had to be towed back in.

CAG: Title used when addressing the carrier air wing commander. It is a holdover from the days when air wings were called air groups and stood for Commander Air Group. Can also refer to the air wing itself, as in CAG-1, CAG-5 or CAG-14. See "air wing."

Cal PO: Calibration Petty Officer: Collateral duty position, typically filled by the most junior and inept sailor in a division, responsible for ensuring a division"s test equipment is delivered to the cal lab on time.

C-GU11 (pronounced "See-Gee-You-Eleven"): Seagull. Similar to the code for "bulkhead remover." A common joke is to ask inexperienced personnel on watch to "keep an eye out for signs of C-GU11s in the area, over." Sometimes spelled C-6U11, Z-6UL1 or various 1337-like combinations.

Cannon balls: Baked, candied apples served to midshipmen at the Naval Academy on special occasions. Twelve are served per table. If one person at the table is willing to eat all 12 apples and succeeds, that person is given the honor of "carry on" (lack of harassment by upper classmen) for the remainder of the semester.

Carry on: An officer"s reply to a junior person"s call to "attention on deck", meaning all present rise and come to attention as a sign of respect. "Carry on" allows personnel to continue whatever they were doing. Also see "cannon ball."

Checks Five-Oh: Excellent, in proper working order. Things can also be repaired and gotten into proper working order and then referred to as "checks five-oh." Derives from the 5-point evaluation system used in the navy, in which a score of five is given to individuals who perform exceptionally well.

Check Valve: A person who "does for himself or herself, but not others." None of the goodies get past that person. Similar to a real check valve which only allows fluid to go one way.

Chicken Switches (Submarine Service): Switches in the overhead above the Dive Officer"s station that release 4500 lb air into the main ballast tank, initiating the Emergency Main Ballast Tank blow (EMBT blow) causing the tanks to fill with air and the submarine to rise to the surface in a real hurry. Sometimes, engineering drills may cause the sub to go near test depth (the depth the submarine has been tested to); this may be caused by a delay in recovering the reactor, or many other reasons. If the Dive Officer (or whoever has the Con) blows the tanks, they were "chicken" — afraid of sinking.

CHT Tank/Shit Tank/Chit Tank: Collection, Holding and Transfer system, which collects all ship"s shower and toilet runoff/sewage until such time as it can be pumped or dumped.

Circular firing squad/circular ass-kicking: An attempt by all command levels to find someone/anyone to blame for a problem for which no one wants to take blame.

Civie cut: A civilian haircut worn by males who live around military towns to distinguish themselves from military personnel. Usually just an inch or two longer than what military allows, but enough to let the females know who"s who.

Cluster Fuck: The situation which arises when a group performs some task in a severely disorganized manner, usually with poor results. Also, any person or thing that is in a state of general disarray: "That kid is a walking cluster fuck." Can be indicated using the NATO phonetic "Charlie Foxtrot" for "CF." More severe than a Goatrope, but not as severe as a Monkey and a Football.

CO: Commanding Officer. The head of a ship, submarine, aviation squadron or shore command; usually no lower in rank than a Commander, often a Captain, the Commanding Officer is in charge of most of the everyday things that happen on board the ship, in the squadron or aboard the shore installation, from corporal punishment (Captain"s Mast) to common everyday maintenance, and upkeep of the ship, squadron or shore command. The Commanding Officer usually wears a special pin on his pocket designating him Command Afloat, or Command Ashore.

Color Company: The recruit company in boot camp that maintains the highest score through the entire eight week evolution; they are given three days special liberty unmonitored. Color Company is also given the honor of being the first company to Pass in Review if there is not a Hall of Fame Company that graduates Boot Camp at the same time.

Commodore: Historically, the designation given to a one-star admiral (presently called Rear Admiral Lower Half). Presently, "Commodore" is the unofficial title of a Captain (O-6) in charge of a squadron of ships or submarines, a wing or group of the same type of aircraft, or a group of SEAL Teams.

Coner (pronounced "Cone-er") (Submarine Service): A submarine crewman who is not part of the engineering department (see "Nuke"), especially a Torpedoman, because such crewmen are stationed in the forward cone of the Sub and are pretty much prohibited from wandering into the rear engineering spaces. Also known as "Forward Pukes" (as opposed to "Fuckin" Nukes") or "M.U.F.F.s" ("My Up Forward Friends"). Long-hand as Clean Only, No Education Required.

Constant Bearing Decreasing Range (CBDR): A term used to indicate that an object or ship viewed on radar, or visually from the deck or bridge of one"s own ship is getting closer but maintaining the same relative bearing. Without a change of course, this will ultimately end in a collision. CBDR is also used as a warning to shipmates heading into trouble or danger (not necessarily physical collision) they might not see or be aware of.

Crack House: A designated smoking area aboard ship that is not a weatherdeck space. So called because it quickly fills with a haze of smoke. Also called "Crack Shack."

(also called a "Mess crank"; see also "Mess cranking"): A mess deck worker,E-3 or below, assigned to mess deck duties. Generally each division must supply a sailor on a rotating basis. May also refer to a new transferee assigned to the mess decks while qualifying for a regular watch. The term has always been discouraged, despite its frequent use. (3)Arcane Main propeller (screw) shaft, "whatever turns your crank." (Whatever makes you happy.)

Cruise boo: A sailor"s underway spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend. Typically not the same person as the sailor"s ashore spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend (i.e. one or both of the sailors is currently in a relationship/marriage with a person not stationed on the ship).

Cruise sock: A sock, sacrificed early in a deployment, which one uses to clean up after one masturbates. It is usually kept under the mattress and can stand up on its own by the end of cruise. Also called an "Underway Sock" or "Happy Sock."

Cunt Hair: A very small unit of measurement, used when eyeballing something. "How much more till the pipe is in place?" — "Oh, about a cunt hair." A "red cunt hair" is a slightly smaller unit of measurement. A "Royal Cunt Hair" is the finest unit of measure.

Danger nut: A "fun" game in which one or more sailors place a washer or nut around a rod or similar metal device and then hold it to a steam vent. The washer or nut spins wildly due to the high pressure of the steam. Once it reaches a high enough speed, the rod is turned so that the steam blows the object completely off the rod and likely at another sailor, who then has to dodge the "danger nut."

Dicking the dog: Putting "half-assed" effort into a task. (Refers to improperly securing the "dogs" on a watertight hatch when passing through. Such a lax procedure could spell doom for a sinking ship if hatches were not absolutely watertight.) Also said as "poking the poodle" or "screwin" the pooch." Not to be confused with "screwing the pooch" which refers to royally messing up a task.

Term used mostly by disgruntled personnel to refer to an "A.J. Squared Away" sailor. Utterance of the term is usually accompanied by the McDonald"s tune followed by "I"m diggin" it" instead of "I"m lovin" it."

Dimed/Diming out/Dropping dimes: Comes from dropping a dime in a pay phone to make a call. To throw someone "under the bus", or to out someone as being the one who did something wrong or made a bad call. Usually done to avoid getting in trouble at the expense of someone else. Example: Chief Coffeedrinker: "Why did you do this? You know that is unauthorized." AMAN Nobody: "AM3 Schmuckatelli said to, Chief."

Dining-in/Dining-out: Social functions, usually for officers and chiefs, where dinner dress is worn and certain "rules of the mess" are followed. Generally presided over by the Executive Officer (XO) and run by a Chief or Junior Officer (JO) called "Mr. Vice," these events can become quite rowdy and raucous. The difference between the two is that significant others may attend dining-outs. Dining-ins are for the service-members only.

Dirtbag: A term often used by an annoying lifer who has no life outside the navy to insult a sailor for having a few wrinkles in his uniform, having missed a spot while shaving, having a small spot on his uniform, having hair barely touching his ears, etc. Compare to "A.J. squared away" above.

Ditch: To intentionally crash land an aircraft as "gently" as possible — usually into the water. This is generally done when fuel is almost all used up with no hope of making it to a safe landing area, or when a slowly developing but potentially fatal emergency is going on.

Division: Middle organizational level in most naval commands, below department and above branch. Usually headed by a junior officer (JO). Common divisions are powerplants, airframes, 1st Lieutenant, etc... Divisions are sometimes divided into branches or work centers.

A container (usually zipper-closed) for toilet articles such as soap, razor, shaving cream, deodorant, etc; especially for expeditionary sailors. ;dop kit; douche kit.

Dog watches: The 1600-2000 evening watch is customarily split into two two-hour "dog" watches, so that the watch sections rotate rather than being stuck with the same schedule every day. Also permit everyone to get evening chow at a reasonable hour (although First Dog watchstanders usually find the better chow is all gone).

Double Nuts: Aircraft flown by the squadron or air wing commander, typically has "00" (zero zero) painted on the nose and also printed on routing slips for correspondence.

Down: Not working, out of commission, broken, "broke-dick." In aviation, non-flyable, usually for maintenance reasons. When applied to an aviator, it means not allowed to fly. This can be for a variety of reasons: Medical, personal, disciplinary, etc. In flight training, a down is a failed flight.

Drifter: Sailor who at all times lacks the ability to stay focused. Also called drift-pack, or in the very extreme case "COMNAVDRIFTLANT/PAC", a parody of COMNAVSURFLANT/PAC.

Easter Egg Hunt: An especially rigorous investigation or inspection in which the inspecting officer seems unduly motivated to find everything wrong he possibly can, even if it ridiculous--"The XO held an Easter Egg Hunt at Messing and Berthing today." Sometimes used as a threat of punishment or retribution - "Do what I told you to do or I may have to hold an Easter Egg Hunt in your locker."

Emergency Blow: When a sub rapidly blows all of the ballast out of the ballast tanks, resulting in a rapid ascent and an impressive display as the sub breaks the surface.

Eyeball liberty: Ability to see but not interact with something pleasurable, especially members of the opposite sex; For example, male sailors may joke that they have eyeball liberty ogling a boat full of women while exiting port, or in view a port itself where no actual liberty is allowed.

FAG: (1) Fighter Attack Guy: F/A-18 Hornet/Super Hornet pilot or naval flight officer ("NFO"). (2) Former Action Guy: Any SO, SB, EOD, ND, or FMF Recon Corpsman or any other parachute-qualified member who is in a position where they cannot maintain their jump quals, or goes into a different warfare community. (3) ("Submarine Service") Forward Area Gentleman: A crewman serving in the forward part of the submarine, a non-Nuke.

Family Gram: A 40-word personal communication from the family members of an Officer or Sailor on a Strategic Deterrent Patrol assigned to a Fleet Ballistic Missile (FBM) submarine. Each crewman was allocated a limited number of these messages during each 3-month patrol and they were severely censored to protect the submariner from news that could negatively effect the emotional condition of the recipient. All Family Grams were screened by the CO/XO upon receipt, prior to distribution to the individual. A similar system was used for surface ships.

F.A.W.C.U. (pronounced "fuck you") (Submarine Service): Focused After Watch Clean Up, usually between 1 to 2 hours of "Field Day" after every watch rotation.

Fart Suit: Dry suit worn by aviators when flying over cold water. So called because of the rubber seals at the neck and wrists which keep water out in the event of water entry. These seals also keep all flatulence inside the suit, where it remains hot and mixes with ball sweat, pitstink, and various other foulness. This foul air is released by removing the suit, or more amusingly by pulling one of the wrist seals open while squatting and pointing at an unsuspecting individual, thus forcing all the stench in his direction.

Fashion Show: A series of individual personnel inspections conducted in each uniform the sailor owns. Usually this form of Extra Military Instruction is reserved for the most severe dirtbags who are either consistently failing uniform inspection or look like crap on a daily basis.

Field expedient ___: Anything that is made or done ad hoc in the field. E.g. a "field expedient Frappuccino" might be made by putting all the MRE coffees, sugars, and creamers into a 2-liter bottle and mixing.

Five and Dimes: A watch rotation where the sailor or watch team stand five hours of watch, then have ten hours off (to clean, perform maintenance, train, get qualified, conduct drills, take care of divisional business or their collateral duty, eat, shower, and occasionally sleep). This follows from a three-section watch rotation, and results in the sailor standing watch at a different time every day and night, repeating every three days.

Flying the Bravo: Menstruating; from the signal flag, which is all-red, one meaning of which is "I am discharging dangerous goods." Also used to indicate one who is in a bad mood "What"s wrong with him?" "Oh, he"s just flying the Bravo"

Foc"s"le Follies: A gathering of all the aviators in the airwing in the carrier"s foc"s"le (forecastle). The CAG, ship"s CO, and battle group admiral are also usually invited and present. The "official" reason for this event is to hand out awards to the top aviators. The most enjoyable parts are the "roll calls" from each squadron, and the skits that two or three of the squadrons perform. If the roll call or the skit fails to amuse the rest of the airwing, the offending squadron is booed and belittled mercilessly. Follies are held about every 6 to 8 weeks while on deployment.

Fourballs: Midnight, entered as 0000 when writing logs; The "Fourballs watch" is midnight to 0600 when underway on a submarine, using a 3 person x 6 hour shift, 18 hour rotation "day" for each watchstation. Most engineering daily chores are performed on the 0000 watch, after which one is relieved at 0530 for chow, followed by drills at 0700, chow at 1200, followed by drill review at 1300, collateral duties at 1500, chow at 1700, followed by the 1800 watch; a very long "day" underwater — 24+ hours. The Sub equivalent to the Four by Eight watch mentioned above.

F.R.E.D.: Fucked Up Ridiculous Educational Device: The computer that graded the teletype capabilities of those going through Radioman "A" School. So called because it used to grade based on keystrokes rather than words per minute.

FTN: Fuck the Navy (common epithet used when complaining about naval policies or regulations). Often scrawled on the walls of toilet stalls by sailors who have been assigned to clean it for a reason. Also can refer to "Free The Nukes," referring to sailors in the nuclear power field. Also refers to a mythical rate or ship type an "FTN Striker" says he/she is trying to get in (i.e. Fleet Tug-Nuclear, Fire Technician-Nuclear). Also stands for "Fun Time Navy" around higher chain of command to save face in front of said chain of command, yet "secretly" means "Fuck the Navy." In nuclear commands, can sometimes be seen as KEY when over-nuked (the last letters of the same three words are used.)

F.U.P.A. (pronounced "foop-uh"): Fat Upper Pelvic Area: The buldge that protrudes from ill-fitting pants worn by an overweight sailor, or by extension, the sailor him- or herself. (When describing a female, it may stand specifically for "Fat Upper Pussy Area"; when describing a male, "Fat Upper Penis Area.")

Fuck You, strong message follows: Seen on a numerical list of epithet substitutions (the unauthorized "Falcon Code," derived from the "Charlie Echo" code), especially transmitted over radio, which has to stay clean

Gator-Freighter: A ship used in amphibious warfare, or generally the transportation of Marines and their equipment, especially, a carrier-like vessel (amphibious assault ship) whose primary purpose is to put ass in the grass.

Gator squares: Putting a square on a chart, often 3 miles by 3 miles, in the middle of a body of water, and steaming around in it for hours. Common overnight activity for ships underway. "Do we have any nighttime evolutions this underway?" "No, just gator squares."

Gerbil Gym/Gerbil Room: Exercise space on board ship with treadmills, stationary bikes, and elliptical trainers — all pieces of equipment on which one performs motions that should move one to another place, though one remains in the same position like a gerbil on its wheel.

Gigged: Having suffered a point deduction in Boot Camp for an unsatisfactory personal, uniform, or bunk or locker inspection. Deduction is usually one to five points per infraction, depending on the severity.

Gold Crow: A 12+ year PO1 with good behavior. Very rarely, a PO2 (due to changes in high year tenure), which leads the question of how somebody can screw up that badly and still call it "good" behavior.

The Goo: Instrument Meteorological Conditions (IMC). When an aviator flies an aircraft into the clouds, can no longer see the earth or the horizon, and is dependent on instruments for navigation, he is said to be "in the goo." This is usually done intentionally when flying with an Instrument Flight Rules (IFR) flight plan, but can lead to high "pucker factor" when it is done accidentally.

Good Deal (Submarine Service): When a sailor receives an assignment that is viewed by others as better than theirs, despite the fact that this may not be the case. This includes missing underways/deployment for reasons of life-threatening illness, terminal disease, or the death of spouse/children. "Did you hear that Steve got hit by a drunk driver last night? He broke seven ribs, his left femur, and is on a ventilator. They are pretty sure there is no brain damage, but they have him in a medically-induced coma until then. Looks like we"re down a mechanic for deployment — Steve got the good deal."

Good Humor Man: Reference to the Summer White uniform. This is an all-white short sleeve uniform that makes the wearer look suspiciously like the ice cream man.

Grab-ass: Any kind of unstructured group socialization or horse-play, usually during working hours. As in "They were standing around playing grab-ass."

Great Mistakes: Common epithet used when complaining about RTC/NTC Great Lakes Illinois. Commonly used by old school sailors to complain about the quality of sailors after the Navy shutdown RTC San Diego and RTC Orlando. It was "mistake" to keep RTC Great Lakes, as the sailors have continually failed to measure up.

Grog: Initially, this referred to the watered down rum ration given daily to sailors in the Royal Navy. Presently, in the USN, it refers to the alcoholic brew offered at social events like "dining-ins" and "dining-outs." Depending on the wardroom and in particular on the person preparing the grog, it may be pleasant and delicious or one of the most foul and disgusting beverages ever conceived.

Growler: A sound-powered phone, which is used like a telephone to call specific dialed in stations. It has a hand cranked dynamo which will produce a whirring sound on the other station, hence the "growl."

Gundeck: To juryrig something; falsifying or misrepresenting records and reports. Occasionally, gundecking (while technically wrong) may have to be done to satisfy an inspection of an otherwise nonessential or useless program. Gundecking any reports constitutes falsifying an official document, and can be punishable by Captain"s Mast or even a Court-Martial, should the person gundecking be caught, which they almost always are.

HACQ: (pronounced "hack") House Arrest, Confinement to Quarters: Unofficial punishment where an officer is confined to his stateroom, usually during a port call. During this time, the officer is not allowed to leave the ship (all officers must have permission from the Commanding Officer, or his appointed delegate before debarking the ship at any port call, including their home port).

Hall of Fame Company: A recruit company during boot camp that maintains perfect marks through the entire eight-week evolution; harder to get than Color Company, the company that rates Hall of Fame Status is given three days special liberty, as well as the week prior to shipping out to the fleet as downtime. They are also given the privilege of wearing their winter blue, or summer white uniforms, or, as an alternate, their dress uniforms, for the week before shipping out to the fleet. Hall of Fame Companies are also given precedence above Color Company, and are given the honor to be the first recruit company to Pass in Review.

Haole: Pronounced "How-Lee" Hawaiian term for non-native. A dangerous thing for a sailor to be around Pearl Harbor, as some of the natives see them as easy targets for crime, especially when local law-enforcement doesn"t seem to care.

Hatch: A closure in the deck, commonly watertight, on a Naval vessel. Sailors tend to call doors "hatches," but the term actually only refers to openings in the deck. If it goes through a bulkhead, it"s a door.

Head: Bathroom (the term comes from the days of sail, because wind would blow from the rear of the ship forward the bathroom would be located at the front “head” of the ship to carry the foul smell of excrement away from the crew). “Head call” means to use the head.

Helo (pron. hee-low): Term applied to all naval helicopters (from the standard message abbreviation HELO). Calling a naval helicopter anything other than a helo, and especially a “chopper,” is grounds for a serious beat-down.

Helo Dunker: Dreaded training device that all naval aircrew and pilots must endure every few years when they complete water survival training, or “swims.” Designed to simulate crashing a helo at sea, it is basically a huge metal drum with seats and windows that is lowered into a pool and then flipped upside down with the “passengers” strapped into it. There are generally four runs that must be successfully completed. Two of these are blindfolded. It is not fun and even scares the hell out of Marines. (F)AWs enjoy it though.

Hinge: Slang for an O-4, or lieutenant commander (LCDR). So called because of the lobotomy that is supposedly mandated as soon as a naval officer is promoted to this rank, in which half of his brain is removed. A hinge is then inserted that allows for reattachment of the removed gray matter later. The hinge also limits the LCDR’s head movement to the fore–aft axis. This is clearly demonstrated as the O-4 is constantly nodding in the affirmative and saying, “Yessir, yessir” when in the presence of the CO.

Honey-ko: A reference to a male sailor or his “girlfriend” for the evening. It is expected that the sailor will not have another “girlfriend” that same evening and not get caught with another on a subsequent evening. Used primarily at the former Subic Bay and Clark bases in the Philippines. “Cheating” was not allowed, and some how would be found out quickly by means of the "honey-ko telegraph."

Hot Footed: Carefully placing matches under the toenails of a sleeping shipmate and then lighting them all at the same time, after which the perpetrator(s) immediately hide or attempt to look innocent, leaving the victim to wonder what asshole did this to him.

Horse Cock: Large log of baloney or overcooked kielbasa usually put out for lunch or midrats. Horse Cock sandwich is one of the least favorite boxed lunches served to helo crews when visiting other ships.

Hot Racking or Hot Bunking: Submariners share racks. When one goes off, the other takes his place (three men share two racks). In the aviation community, “hot racking” refers to an individual who has not taken a shower before retiring to his bunk, usually after working a 12-hour shift on the flight deck.

HT Punch: A mythical tool newbies are asked to fetch from the engineering spaces. They usually return with a sore arm, courtesy of a Hull Technician who is in on the joke.

INT WTF: Letters Pronounced Individually. INTerrogative What The Fuck. See WTFO. Usually used in a text/teletype medium where WTFO is over voice communications.

Jack-o"-the-Dust: A ship"s cook in charge of keeping track of the ship"s food stores. Originally referred to the night baker who would often be seen by waking crew members covered in flour from his nightly duties.

Jack Off Curtain: The small privacy curtain hanging on the outside of a rack. Usually the only small bit of privacy found on a ship. Also known as a "Splash guard."

Jody: (1) (generic name for) the guy who is imagined to be seeing one"s partner while one is underway. (2) Any of the songs (which all have the same rhythm/melody, and three notes) which are "talksung" during a quicktime march in order to keep cadence.

Joe (Cup of Joe): (A cup of) coffee. One popular folk etymology suggests that the name derives from Navy Secretary Josephus Daniels" reforms of the Navy, specifically his abolition of the officers" wine mess and institution of coffee as the strongest drink available on Navy ships. For more, see

Johnny Cash"s: The (defunct) Winter Working Blue uniform; so called due to the fact that they were all black (black being called navy blue) and Johnny Cash was the man in black.

John Wayne: (1) A can opener supplied with "C" rations. Often still used by a "dirt sailor." (2) Somewhat derogatory reference to a sailor that takes too many chances, or attempts to constantly play the hero. "John Wayne it." (3) to John Wayne (a helmet): To leave one"s helmet"s chin strap undone, the way John Wayne often did in movies.

Junk on the Bunks: A type of inspection wherein a Marine places all of his/her issued clothing and 782 gear on a bunk (bed) so that an inspector can verify they have a full complement of uniform items (a full seabag).

Knuckle Box: A medium sized, usually red, rectangular metal box widely used in the navy to move supplies to/from the ship. These boxes seem to have been designed by some sadist for maximum difficulty when carrying them aboard ship. They have small, useless metal handles on the side, and are perfectly sized so that one has to turn them at an angle to get through a knee knocker without grazing one"s knuckles.

Knuckle Dragger: A member of the engineering department or a mechanic on a nuclear powered vessel. Usually used to describe a Boatswain"s Mate on a surface vessel.

LBGB (derogatory): Little Bitty Gook Boat: One of the small indigenous fishing boats occasionally run over by the craft of the Tonkin Gulf Yacht Club.

LDO: Limited Duty Officer: generally a senior and highly qualified enlisted person (E6–E8) who has earned a commission through a competitive process and continues to work in their field. By definition a technical manager.

Liberty: Free time away from work or the ship, usually after working hours or in port. Differs from leave (see above) in that one must stay close to one"s home station and it is generally much shorter.

Liberty Boat: Boat assigned to transfer sailors to and from their ship when in a port that requires the ship to drop anchor instead of pulling pierside. Trips to the beach are generally low key. Trips back to the ship in the wee hours of the night are usually very entertaining.

Lifer: A name given to both officers and enlisted men who love the Navy and make it clear they want to be in for 20 or more years; lifers will try to convince others to re-enlist. Also lifers say things like "there is nothing a sailor needs that is not in his sea-bag"; this usually is a comment implying a sailor does not need to see his spouse or children, more rarely acronym associated with people coasting through their Navy career, stands for "Lazy Incompetent Fuck Expecting Retirement", or "Lowly Indignant Fuck Evading Reality" see also "The ROAD program."

Limp Dick: A sailor who can"t do the simplest job. "Schmuckatelli is a Limp Dick." Can also be used to describe someone or something that stopped functioning. "So what happened on your watch?" "Well, one alfa main feed booster pump went limp dick so we put one bravo online."

Living the Dream: A sarcastic term used when someone is asked how they are, they reply with this which sounds upbeat and a positive term, and they are actually miserable. "How are you doing today PO Jones" "Living the dream Captain"

Load: (Always referred to as "the load.") Generally refers to the ship"s engineering plant being online, e.g. producing adequate electricity, steam, etc.

LOST: Line Of Sight Tasking: when a senior officer, usually the XO, tasks the first poor bastard JO who walks across his path with some time-consuming, inane project that he knows absolutely nothing about.

LSO: Landing Safety Officer or Landing Signals Officer. On a carrier, this officer stands just to the port side of the landing area and talks to each pilot as he makes his approach for an arrested landing. On a "small boy," the LSO sits under a bubble on the flight deck and talks to helo pilots as they attempt to land in the Rapid Securing Device, or "trap." Both types of LSO are referred to as "Paddles."

LSD: Dock landing ship, or Large Sitting Duck, so called due to their slow speed and absence of any significant offensive weaponry. "I survived a six-month trip on LSD", commonly heard slogan from sailors who have made a deployment aboard such a vessel.

MAD Boom surfing: Struggling to complete or barely passing required evolutions in training on the P-3 Orion Patrol Aircraft. Named for the Magnetic Anomaly Detector that sticks out from the tail of the aircraft. Variations include clinging to the MAD boom or water-skiing from the MAD Boom.

Mail Buoy: A fictitious bouy that mail for a ship is left on. Usually new sailors are given a mail buoy watch for the entertainment of the more seasoned sailors.

Manatee: A dependent wife, usually in Pensacola or Jacksonville that is Manatee fat even though her husband has maintained the same basic size during their marriage. Related to the Whidbey Whale.

Marching Party: In boot camp, an after-hours regimen of intensive training exercises, supervised by the command"s special warfare personnel. Officially referred to as "Intensive Training" or "Advanced Intensive Training."

MARF: Acronym used by a superior to a roving watchstander, means Make Another Round, Fucker. Also Modifications and Additions to Reactor Facility, an unusual and impractical research reactor in NY, later turned into a training platform (also phrased as My Ass is Royally Fucked.) (FOAD is what most nuke students wish the platform would do.)

MARINE: Acronym for Marines Always Ride in Navy Equipment...or Muscles are Required Intelligence Not Essential... or My Ass Really Is Navy Equipment..or My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment...or Muscles are Required Intelligence Not Expected.

Marine Dinner Tray: Derogatory description (to the "eldest service branch") of an enlisted sailor"s 13 button flap on the front of his dress blue uniform trousers.

Masagi Girl: A prostitute (typically Chinese) found in the Honch. So-called because they urgently whisper "Masagi?" as sailors wander past in search of libations.

M.A.S.H.: Make A Sailor Hurt: (used in boot camp to describe) any physical training on the time of the Company Commander. Such training usually resulted in the recruit hitting the rack with several aches and pains he would not normally have had.

Mast: Common abbreviated form of "Captain"s Mast" or "Admiral"s Mast." A form of non-judicial punishment in which a sailor finds himself standing tall in front of the old man when he has really screwed the pooch. Green felt is usually abundant.

Mast Crank: A fictitious crank, usually impersonated by a Bull Gear crank from engineering, which is to be collected by a junior enlisted to crank down the mast while passing under a short bridge. It is typically made to disappear 30 seconds before it is needed, sending junior enlisted crewmembers into a panic that the mast will hit the bridge under which the ship is about to pass.

Material condition: Status open or closed, of various fittings, hatches, etc, which are denoted by a letter. Generally X(X-ray): always closed, Y(Yoke): closed while underway, Z(Zebra): closed while at GQ. ("Set material condition Zebra throughout the ship" is part of the standard GQ alarm.)

Meat Gazer: Unlucky individual designated to make sure the urine in a "Whiz Quiz" actually comes from the urinator"s body. This is accomplished by spending all day meat gazing, or looking at dicks while guys are pissing. Also a man who stares at or is perceived to stare at another man"s genitals in a communal shower.

Meat Identifier: A side dish during chow that helps in identifying usually nondescriptive looking main dishes. i.e. Applesauce: Indicative of pork chops, Horseradish: Prime Rib Beef...etc.

Meatball: (1) Fresnel Lens Optical Landing System, a visual landing aid used by naval aviators landing on a carrier. Aviators "call the ball" as a reference guide to their positioning in the landing sequence. (2) The pennant flown to denote the ship has won the Battle "E" competition.

Mid-Rats: Short for midnight rations. Food served to the midwatch. Generally a lazy navy cook phones it in by opening an industrial size can of ravioli and dumps out a couple loaves of white bread and calls it good. Punishment for being on the 0000-0400 watch.

Missile Sponge: Usually a frigate or destroyer with limited air defense capability stationed on the outer ring of a battlegroup, as they are the ships most likely to be hit in a convoy.

Monkey and a football: Short for "A monkey trying to fuck a football, and the football is winning." An utterly epic goat rope (quod vide), more serious even than a clusterfuck.

Monkey shit: (1) A mix of a clay and fibers, used to plug up small holes around cables as they pass through a bulkhead. (2) A type of putty use